Wednesday, 15 June 2016

Every end is a new beginning.. :)

 Преди дванайсет години, с плахи стъпки и трепетно сърце, прекрачих за първи път прага на нашето училище. Едно русоляво момиченце, с дълги коси и невинни очички, бе вперило поглед в развяващото се знаме и под звуците на училищния химн мечтаеше. В същия този двор, със същата приветливост и топлина, то пое ръката на своята първа учителка и заедно тръгнаха по пътя на познанието. С всеки изминал ден нови и нови картини за света се разкриваха пред очичките на това невинно дете. Ръка за ръка със своите съученици те достигаха нови непознати висини и с бавни, но сигурни стъпки се изкачваха  по стълбата на познанието. Не винаги обаче беше лесно – едни мечти ставаха реалност, други падаха в праха, едни висоти биваха преодолени, други оставаха недостижима цел. Но винаги  в края на тъмния тунел проблясваше глуха светлина и там чакаше една протегната ръка.
  
Неусетно минаха месеци, години, и ето, че вече порасналото момиченце е готово да поеме по своя път. Днес всички ние се намираме на този кръстопът, от където всеки ще поеме своята посока. Може би никога повече няма да се пресекат пътищата ни, но винаги ще имаме едно общо място, където всеки е добре дошъл – нашето училище.

Това е мястото, където всеки ден бивахме посрещани с топли думи и ведри усмивки. Тук учителите ни дариха не само с познание, но и с подкрепа. Научиха ни да четем и пишем, но също така ни научиха да бъдем  хора. Тук завързахме първите си приятелства, но също така тук усетихме и първите си разочарования от тях. Но най-важното от всичко – между четирите стени на класните си стаи открихме себе си, сред пъстротата от персонажи. Опознахме интересите си, открихме добрите си и лошите си страни и се научихме да бъдем не проста хора, а личности.

Днес, обръщайки поглед назад, може да не помня всеки един урок или всяка една теорема, но винаги ще помня факта, че това училище ме научи да вярвам в себе си и да не се отказвам от мечтите си. В този момент в главата ми изплува едно писмо, написано от първата ми учителка, чиито последни редове гласяха: „Всеки ден ще чакам да позвъни телефона, за да ми кажеш: „Аз успях!” И сега аз се обръщам към нея, както и към всички други учители, които са били до мен по пътя през всичките дванайсет години с думите: „Аз наистина успях!”

И ето, че и днес прекрачих училищния праг и от далечината чух звънецът да звъни. Уж бе същия звънец, а сякаш бе различно. Може би, защото беше за последно. Както всеки ден детски глас и смях изпъваха училищните коридори и бавно заглъхваха след гласа на звънеца, изгубвайки се в тишина. Еднообразни трептения изпълваха въздуха, но този път сякаш ми нашепваха едвам не „Добре дошла!”, а „Сбогом!”



Hello everybody! This is the speech that I wrote for graduation day and I didn't have the chance to read it in its original form so I decided to share it here. I am sorry it is in bulgarian. I tried translating it but decided against it halfway through. I just felt like I was taking away its individuality and the feelings I have put in it. If I ever change my mind I will post the English verson. :)
xoxo Monny 
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Monday, 2 May 2016

The Beginning of the End




Here I am  two weeks before the last year of school ends for me.It has not even officially ended yet but I felt the need to express all of the feelings I have been keeping to myself for the past twelve years. Another chapter of my life is coming to a close and I am confused - do I feel happy or do I feel sad. On one hand I am moving forward to a new and even more exciting adventure but on the other do I actually feel  accomplished with what I have done during my school life. You might think "But you are a straight A student. You have your life pretty much sorted! What more do you want?" Life is not defined by academic achievements, marks have no actual value. All they are is a representation of a temporary knowledge on a subjects one acquired in the past but have since been lost in oblivion. Excellent academic record and successful career do not guarantee a happy and fulfilling future. And it seems like I have spent so much time trying and sometimes failing to be perfect that I have forgotten to live.

I do not want to sound melodramatic or anything but it seems to me that the past twelve years of my life have been a blur.. a complete blur of nothingness. This entire time I have been surrounded by people, all kinds of people and still I feel as if I am in a little bubble of my own that no one has yet been able to pop open. Some have come close to doing it but there is always something that prevents it from happening. People have come and gone but no one has stayed for long enough to actually get to know the real me, or perhaps I am the one who doesn't allow them to? This makes me think to myself "Am I the problem? Is there something wrong with me that pushes people away? Why is everyone changing and evolving and I am stuck in this tiny universe of my own where nothing ever alters  including me?" Perhaps I get so attached to people that I do not accept the fact that as time flies people change  so I am the one who backs away. I try and keep the person as close to me as possible by picking up their habits and getting involved in their interests but then I come to the realization that this in not me and not who I want to be so I step away. In the end I am the one  left behind...

These past four years have followed the exact same routine of me getting up in the morning, going to school and coming back home in the afternoon and then nothing...I felt like I was put in a box with a bunch of people, neither of which spoke the language I spoke. As time went by I formed some friendships but they were mainly built on similar interests and nothing else which  in majority of the cases doesn't work out long term. When these two last weeks go by I am never going to see these people ever again, or we are going to pass each other in the supermarket pretending to look at something in order to avoid an awkward conversation. And this is partly my fault. I am like the black swan in a lake of white swans that no one wants to talk to but who doesn't allow them to come close either. If someone asks me what I had learned at school for all those years this is my answer: " School has taught me to learn from my mistakes and never do them again. I made the mistake of distancing myself from the others and concentrating way too much on things that I thought  were important but in reality I lost so much time for things that were actually important."
So for now on I hope my feathers will get lighter and lighter every single day so that in the end I find my place amongst all the magnificent white swans :)



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Monday, 29 February 2016

Loneliness...

Have you ever felt alone? As if there is no one there  to hold your hand, look into your eyes with an encouraging expression and just be there - next to you, where you can feel the heat of their body, the scent of their perfume. Can I have a guess? The answer is yes. Even though we don't always admit it loneliness is a feeling that everyone experiences from time to time. It is not a crime to feel lonely, it is not a crime to feel sad, and it is definitely not a crime to seek human's appreciation.

 It is not often that we look into the mirror and think "My life is perfect and I have everything I need" There's always this little piece missing from the image of the person with the perfect life. There's always that question in the back of your head "But what if I had... or what if I was...?" Even something as little and simple  as a gesture or a word can change someone's day and fill in that space until a new one opens. 

I like to consider every person as a small separate galaxy, with its own time and space, where time passes at a different speed and the sun shines from a different angle. There are no two identical galaxies,  there are just some that complete each other perfectly when combined. You need another galaxy to feel full, to feel valuable, to feel alive. There are times when we might be surrounded by people, different galaxies with a range of shapes and sizes. But none of these is the perfect match for ours. These are the moments when we feel alone, when we feel incomplete and broken. Sometimes there are people who surround themselves with others  in a desperate desire to feel humans touch, they are the ones that seem as if they are the happiest people on  earth, but on the inside they might be feeling the loneliest. And there are others who have had only a couple of friends in their live but on the inside they feel complete, accomplished....happy. It is not the number that is important, it is the value of the relationship you have with a person. Don't go after quantity, but seek quality...
It is inevitable to feel alone, it is inevitable to feel miserable, but there is always hope and it is called TOMORROW. As cliche as it may sound it is true. Feelings are never constant. The mood is like a roller coaster. It can go from its highest point to its lowest or vice versa in seconds.  How you might be feeling today does not determine how you are going to feel tomorrow. Do not dwell on past experiences and live your life for the moment, because yesterday has already passed and tomorrow might not come. Now is all we have and can control so what are you waiting for?



This is probably a little bit of an odd post but these are some thoughts that have occupied my mind in the past few weeks and I decided to share them here with you. If I have somehow provoked your thoughts on the subject I would love it if even one of you shares them in the comments down below... I hope you enjoyed it and I will be back with other new post as soon as I can!
xoxo Mony :)
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